The Final Word…

My husband and I just finished a project long overdue. We made our first pass at this work when our son was an infant, so that ‘just in case’ we knew that our intentions would guide his care. We took our second pass at this work when our family had grown to six with challenges that needed a more nuanced result. But now that our children are grown, and God has blessed us with five beautiful granddaughters, the project once again needed to be addressed to create a more fitting outcome. Hopefully the document that now sits in our home safe will be our ‘last’ Will and Testament.

Some people find this project rather morbid. We hate to entertain thoughts of our eventual demise. But avoid as we might, that day will come. If we love our families, we will leave them a document that will make the settling of our estate a more straight-forward dance. Granted, the state of Pennsylvania has choreographed a process with steps and spins to challenge even the most prepared executor. Yet, those steps go from a complicated dance to a slog through the mire if a person dies intestate (without a will). So, take the time… love your family well… put pen to paper so that when (not if) the Lord calls you home, your family (and the legal powers-that-be) know your intentions. Most of us use a lawyer for this project, yet, if you have a simple estate, it is possible to go online to create a document that will suffice in Pennsylvania. You can even handwrite your intentions, then sign, date, and have two others bear witness with their signatures. There is really no good excuse for dying intestate.

Yet, while a Will can be created rather simply either online or with a lawyer, the content of a Will should take thought and intentionality. That document is, after all, our ‘last’ Will and Testament. Over the years, I have witnessed the effect of that last word spoken literally through words on a page after the person’s voice has been silenced in the grave. That document can be your testament to what you value and who you love. Those words have the power to bless and to curse.

Recently I did a funeral for a quiet man. After years in a nursing home draining his resources, he had very little to his name by the end. But the amount did not matter as much as his choice of who to include. In his Will he blessed the three who had shared those final years with him- his son, his dearest friend, and his church. The gifts were small, but the mention of each was deeply personal and meaningful. His son was not surprised at the mention of his name, but his faithful friend was moved to tears when she learned that he had included her in his Will. And as his pastor, I was touched that he remembered those who brought him Christmas poinsettias and Easter daffodils and prayed with him on countless visits. What a blessing that he remembered his church!

I have also seen the power of a Will to curse from the grave. I heard the story of a father who in life favored one child over another. That favoritism caused a wedge between father and daughter creating a chasm of silence for years. When cancer stole away the father’s life, his final word to his daughter came at the reading of the Will. This father had significant resources to bless his children into a more comfortable life. Yet, it was not a surprise to either son or daughter, when the son received his wealth leaving the daughter with a pittance. It was not the amount but rather the inequity that mattered. The sting of that final slight will take years to heal, if ever.

In contrast, I witnessed a father who had a challenged relationship with one of his sons. For years he had yearned to heal the rift, only to find his words judged and his efforts rebuffed. When the father died, the son stood at a distance in stoic silence. I often wonder why we choose brokenness over healing. But at the reading of the Will, the daughter who had served faithfully at her father’s side and the son who kept his distance were equally blessed. It was a moment of grace. Imagine if the father had blessed his children according to their faithfulness. That inequity would have caused a rift among the siblings that would perpetuate the brokenness to the next generation. But instead, the Will spoke grace into the family dynamic that brought a healing balm. This daughter is so grateful for the blessing.

These experiences helped to inform our choices as we wrote our last Will and Testament. We want our final word to speak with love and grace, so we followed the wisdom of our parents to bless our children and our grandchildren in equal measure. We also want our final word to be a Testament to what we value and the faith we claim, so we added a caveat that our parents did not. We named God in our Will. We directed our executors to give God the first fruits of our estate (however large or small our estate will be at the end of our lives). We want our final word to our family to remind them that all we have and all we are is a gift from a loving God. We want our last Will and Testament to point to Jesus. When we told our children that God gets the first mention in the Will, they were not surprised since they have watched us tithe their whole lives. We want our final witness to point to Jesus and to bless His people.

Friends, I encourage you to write a Will… bless your family with your last word… and remember the One from whom all blessings flow.

With you creating a legacy to bless the generations,
Anita